Bennett Peter’s Testimony
Updated 30th September 2023
I was suffering and in anguish due to depression, anxiety and panic attacks. Jesus Christ healed me. To God be the Glory for the great things He has done.
Since the start of March 2023, I began to experience severe mental illness in the form of depression, anxiety attacks and panic attacks and the inability to sleep. Depression is a medical illness caused by chemical imbalance in the brain. Depression causes anxiety and the anxiety feeds the depression. It is a vicious cycle.
My First encounter with depression was in the year January 2009 while I was working in Vietnam. After being in denial about it for the first three month I then sought medical help and was given medicine (anti-depressants). I refused to meet with counsellors and psychologists and struggled with it, while it affected my job. Eventually I sought counselling from the Church and medication from doctors and through prayers and deliverance ministry. With the constant support of my wife, by June 2009 I had emerged from depression and was able to continue with my life. Looking back, I identified that the lack of sleep was what triggered my depression. And so, life continued as usual and I excelled at my roles and responsibilities.
And then came March 2023.
I had been transferred to a new posting since August 2022. In February 2023 I began to be concerned about meeting the deadlines required for the new building project to be completed. My personality of being a perfectionist and a fear of failure impacted me in a negative manner and triggered the chemical imbalance in my body and brain/mind.
Then suddenly on the 1st week of march, I was not able to sleep for about 4 consecutive days. Being alarmed that this could trigger depression (due to my experience in Y2009) I went to the hospital and was admitted and given pills to sleep for 2 days. After that, I went home but was still having trouble sleeping.
I also started counselling session once a week with registered counsellor at a local hospital.
Despite the medications I still was not getting good sleep and continued to experience the symptoms of depression. I recognized this early and started to get treatment (medication).
Depression Symptoms were- feeling very down, lost, could not function, no joy, despair, feeling of hopeless sad all the time. Cannot make decisions at work. Feel lost. Constant tired. I started to lose my appetite. Constipation also stated to affect me. I lost 10 kg of body weight within 2 months.
In the day time I started to also experience something new- the feeling of overwhelmed and anxious and heart beating fast, breathing issues. Restlessness and feel like losing control of the mind. Constantly feeling restless and anxious. I was no longer able to sleep in the afternoon nap as the heart is beating fast and keeping me awake. I did not experience this in Y2009 before.
DESCRIPTION OF HOW I FELT
Heart feels restless, warm on toes and palms, no energy to move, walk very slowly, zero appetite, feel anxious in the heart, when I try to think to myself to say stop… unable to do so. Neck feel tense. Feels like come from within the soul and heart. When I try to lie down and close my eyes, I am not able to do so because the mind is awake. Tingling in toes and fingers and palms. I am not able to doze off unless I am on medication. Feels like the mind is losing control. Not able to slow down heart rate despite doing deep breathing. It happens automatically for no apparent reason.
Uneasiness, tension, agitated, racing heart. Mind feels numb. Walk slow. Feel overwhelmed. I am on my knees crying out to God to help me. Only those that have experience Depression will be able to relate to what I am saying. It is total anguish that affects mind, body, soul and everything Depression had jumped back into my life and I was in constant suffering and anguish. It was so bad that in May 2023, I got admitted into the hospital for some time for the doctor to run checks and tests on me. After a lot of reflection and counselling I decided to step down from my job so that I could focus on healing myself. It was also not fair to the company to be left hanging as I did not know when I would recover. I felt at peace with that decision. Yet, in spite of that action, my condition got worse.
The depressions and anxiety attacks and panic attacks kept increasing in frequency. For no apparent reasons. I could be just reading or walking and the anxiety and panic attack would suddenly hit me.
On May 20th I went to see a new doctor. After evaluating my history he diagnosed that I was on a wrong initial medication and it was too high a dose. He prescribed another type of medication. On May 21st, In the morning I had a moment of reconciliation with God. He put in my mind questions that I had never thought of before. Personal deep questions that made me think of my purpose. I went to meet Pastor CL, based in Rawang, and thus began my journey of reconciliation with Jesus Christ. And with reconciliation, the process of healing began.
Jesus Christ healed me progressively through a combination of many ways. By providing for me my wife and family support to watch over me in my darkest days, good doctors who demonstrate genuine care and empathy and concern, Counsellors who helped me identify issues and core false beliefs in my life and personality, the Pastors from Calvary Church who have known me since 1980, and the Church Group Reconciliation Ministries led by Ms.JC who constantly pray and guide me in the discovery of my new identity in Christ. By praying with Pastor MOC and Pastor RM from HIS Church. By reading and studying the Word of God to really understand and apply it. But at the heart of it all, It is a willingness to acknowledge and confess sins of the past and ask Jesus to forgive us through the blood of Jesus Christ that was shed on the cross for us. God must be the centre of our lives. Prior to this God was not the centre of my life. It was the pursuit of other things. Pride had taken over my heart.
We are saved and have eternal life by His grace. The Word of God contains all promises and teaching that I have applied to my life. I have rededicated my life to God and now live by these 5 points below.
MY PURPOSE 21 May 2023
- To consistently love and worship God with all my heart, soul, mind, strength. Because He loves me.
- To live a life that demonstrates to others that I am a Christian and have the fruits of the Holy Spirit and live my life according to the Word of God and in prayer.
- To consistently put God at the centre of my life by believing this and doing this
- To be part of God’s church and serve Him where he places me in the marketplace
- To boldly witness to others, via my testimony, about the forgiveness of sins through the Jesus Christ and the gift of eternal life. To show Love to one another.
As of August 2023, Jesus Christ has healed me from my depression and a great improvement to my health has taken place, he has healed me from my panic and anxiety attacks. I am a new creation in Christ. If I die, I die in Christ, if I live, I live in Christ.
Jesus is the centre of my life. Jesus heals sometimes instantly and sometimes progressively. Jesus Christ healed me progressively through the various ways. And in this process, I have a new identity in Jesus. The healing process continues to this day and I know and believe the God will heal me completely in His time.
What is Faith? As per the Word of God, Faith is = asking+ ensuring no doubt in your heart+ always believing that you will receive it…… and it will be so. And I have learnt how to rebuke the spirit of fear and cast it out in Jesus Name, for God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind.
I have learnt how to command my heart and mind to believe in the name of Jesus Christ at all times. And above it all, that God Loves me. I have confessed all my sins throughout my past 50 years and the Holy spirit abides in me now. I am at peace.
Jesus has healed me and he continues to do so. I now live out my purpose in life and I have complete trust in my Lord Jesus that in due time I will be healed completely. I know I have eternal life in Jesus Christ.
I have gone through depression and panic attacks an insomnia and anxiety attacks- all which happen for no reason ( due to medical issues) so I know what it means to suffer from these bondages. All glory and honour to God the Father and Jesus Chris and for healing me. The Holy Spirit is within me and will guide, lead and contort me.
God loves all of us and I want to share my testimony with you. If you are going through something similar in your life, please reach out to me and I will be happy to pray with you. This is a medical illness and we may feel ashamed about it, but seeking help is the first step we must do. It is nothing to be ashamed about.
How did Jesus Christ Heal me from my severe Depression, Anxiety disorder and panic attacks?
By a combination and coming together of the following in the perfect timing of Jesus Christ:
- By confessing and repenting for my past sins and believing that my sins have been forgiven and forgotten by God due to the blood of Jesus Christ when he died on the cross for my sins, sickness and burdens.
- By Renouncing in Jesus name any defiling attachments from before ( relationships, habits, addictions, attachments, idols, past sins, etc)
- By coming back to God and reconciling with Him
- By not letting other things of the earth ( job, money, recognition from Man, success, pride) take a priority in my life, over my relationship with God
- By reading and studying the Word of God and claiming on its promises by heartful prayer and meditation. Studying the Word through pastors and meetings and teaching sessions
- By studying the Word of God and thus being grounded, like the man who built his house on the rocks….so when storms come, we still stay strong
- By constantly binding myself to the blood of Jesus Christ and the Word of God
- By constantly casting out the spirit of fear by using the name of Jesus Christ
- By recognizing that my body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit
- Whenever the Holy spirit convicts me of sin I have done today or in the past, I immediately confess and repent and ask God to forgive me.
- By seeking out the prayers of pastors to guide me in the teaching of Christ, meditating on bible versus and by praying with the pastors.
- Having the support of my wife, parents, my brothers and their families and my close friends my employers -all around me. During Depression it is not good to stay alone by yourself
- By being part of a church that will support you all the time
- By having a correct and healthy diet
- By forcing myself to exercise and run every day, regardless of how I feel
- By seeking the counsel of good doctors. Doctors who genuinely care, spend good time with you, are empathetic and who respond to you whenever you have a question. It is vital to always get a second opinion from another doctor.
- By seeking help via counsellors and psychologists who help me identify root causes in my behaviour – past and current- that can at times cause the chemical imbalance in the brain thus leading to mental health issues. We learn how to dispel false beliefs (CBT)
- By remembering that we have Only one life which will soon past. Only what is done For Jesus Christ will last
- By being compliant and disciplined with the correct medicine. Different medicine works on different people in different ways. Taking the wrong medicine can make the mental illness worse. Thus, the importance of a good doctor to guide you in this. Jesus led me to good doctors. Dr VG, Dr.PKS and Dr.NN
- By being motivated to want to become better. Faith and belief in God is all we have and it is all we need.
- By keeping myself busy via a routine of doing things.
- By speaking aloud to my heart and mind to command it to believe in the right things that Jesus Christ has done and will do for me.
- By being aware of spiritual warfare attacks by the devil to sow unbelief and anxiety, fear and shame in your heart and mind. We defend against these attacks by putting on the armour of God Ephesians 6:13- especially the helmet of Salvation and the sword of the spirit
- By being aware and accepting that healing is not a quick fix. It is in fact a process of spiritual transformation and knowing your identity in Christ.
- By learning how to pray, and then asking God to speak to me. By Fasting and praying at certain days as it teaches me to completely depend on God for my source of strength.
- By having faith. Faith = Asking + no doubt+ constantly believing that I will receive the healing when I ask in the name of Jesus Christ. The healing may not come instantly, but we must constantly believe that we will receive it and in God’s perfect timing it will happen.As it is written: So Jesus answered and said to them, “Assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but also if you say to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ it will be done. And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.”
- By believing in my heart that Jesus Christ is my personal Lord and Saviour and I believe in him. Because I believe in Him, I have eternal life and I know when my Body dies, my spirit and soul will be with Jesus Christ for all eternity.
- By learning to love one another and show love, to express love and to say it aloud to God, family and friends and pets. Jesus Christ commanded us to love one another.God loves all of us and I want to share my testimony with you. If you are going through something similar in your life, please reach out to me and I will be happy to pray with you. I am not a counsellor neither am I a doctor but I can point you to the right people who can help you. This is a medical issue that we need support and prayer to overcome.
The Lord Jesus Christ is my protector and he will never leave me nor forsake me. God is the source of my strength. He has given me everything to do everything that He asks of me. All glory and honour for my healing goes to Jesus Christ. To God be the glory and for the great things he has done in my life and that he will continue to do. In the name of Jesus Christ I pray. Amen.
My email: email@example.com
Please feel free to reach out to me and I will be glad to pray with you.